NFL Play 60: Stay Off Our Bus!

The National Football League's Gambit to Commercialize School Children

NFL Infractions

Borrowing from the NFL’s own rulebook, here are some of the infractions our family and other children have incurred at the hands of the NFL and their franchise ball clubs during NFL Play 60 events:

  1. Personal Foul: For corrupting public school administrators to act on behalf of the NFL and its franchise ball clubs.
  2. Personal Foul, Targeting: For targeting unsuspecting parents and preying upon human psychological vulnerabilities that lured them into a trap baited with prize money.
  3. Personal Foul, Targeting: For targeting children with strategically located, logoed, positive reinforcement banners in an effort to create future fans.
  4. Personal Foul, Targeting: For targeting the public with manufactured media materials which fraudulently profess the NFL’s commitment to its community.
  5. Personal Foul, Unnecessary Roughness: For not caring about the feelings of children and treating little kids like second-class citizens.
  6. Personal Foul, Unsportsmanlike Conduct: For acting and speaking in a manner deemed to be intentionally harmful, especially towards children.
  7. Personal Foul: Illegal Chop-Block: For bullying students out of their classroom and enlisting others to block them from their regular education.
  8. Block in the Back: For blindsiding little kids with the reality that they were to be excluded from the “school award” assembly. “Yea, we’re winners… except for you.”
  9. Encroachment: Into public schools.
  10. Encroachment: Into the private lives of families who were minding their own business.
  11. Encroachment: For thinking that everybody would willingly show their support and sign away their rights to the NFL and their franchise ball clubs.
  12. Holding: For preventing (holding back) disloyal students from receiving their regular education.
  13. Illegal Procedure: For baiting a trap that preyed upon human psychological vulnerabilities.
  14. Illegal Procedure: For thinking that a small group of parents represented the entire community.
  15. Illegal Procedure: For providing money to influence the decision making of public officials to act in the interest of the NFL and its franchise ball clubs.
  16. Illegal Procedure: For presenting waivers to unsuspecting families who knew nothing of what was transpiring and were minding their own business.
  17. Illegal Participation: For thinking you were qualified to teach inside public schools (side note: although it is difficult to see that even our certified teachers are qualified to teach).
  18. Illegal Substitution: For coercing others to provide disloyal students with an “alternative education” (Snohomish School District’s exact phrasing).
  19. Intentional Grounding: For intentionally obstructing the communications of a party to delay and/or avoid accountability for the NFL’s trick play.
  20. Leverage: For using another player (school officials) to block a child’s education and personal development.
  21. Sideline Infraction: For sitting on the sidelines and coercing school officials to bully the disloyal kids for you.
  22. Substitution Infraction: For enlisting non-NFL personnel (teachers, parents and students) to participate in the NFL’s marketing scheme.
  23. Unfair Act: Because the NFL and its franchise ball clubs scored a bounty of money by using children to promote their brand(s).

That’s a whopping 23 infractions on a single play and I bet we can think of more. That’s got to be some sort of NFL record!

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